"I may not be where I want to be, but I'm right where I'm supposed to be"

"I may not be where I want to be, but I'm right where I'm supposed to be" - I dunno who originally said it but hey they were pretty optimistic

Anyone who knows me knows that I definitely had to be one of the "are we there yet" kids. I like to know the who, what, where, when, why, are you sure, but that doesn't make sense to me... etc about EVERYTHING important/attention worthy to ME. Things that are not important to me don't even go in 1 ear to go out the other, they linger somewhere around my ear until something catches my attn and then I'll say "ok, I wasn't listening, but what did you say" (I know it's rude, but it's the truth and that should outweigh the rudeness). Any who, that's not what I decided to write about, so continuing...

I'm the type of person that won't get out of bed unless the time ends in a 5 or 0, hate when people leave voice mails because I hate to see the envelope on my cellphone screen (for some reason it just makes it appear messy to me). I'm just pretty anal about a lot of things so of course not feeling like I'm where I should be in life really, really bothers me. Call it cocky, conceited, unrealistic, whatever but this "transitional phase" was not slated to last this long on my timeline. I've ALWAYS had high standards for myself, and anything less than success by these standards means I'm failing. I always thought that by this time in my life I would be at least 3 years into my CAREER, financially stable enough to help out others, and being a mentor for someone's daughter. I would also be happily in a relationship (I'M NOT IN A RELATIONSHIP TOP RAMEN...lol) and on the brink of marriage. Kids would come a year or two after the marriage, because I always felt like you needed to enjoy the newlywed stage and truly adapt to the married life first. I had this all planned out, and needless to say I'm kinda off schedule.

Don't get me wrong I have a good job. I'm with a great company, my job allows many opportunities for advancement, I'm getting increases just about every 3 months (those cents are starting to add up...lol) and it's very stress free and conducive to a grad student schedule. I will be able to resume my grad courses very soon, and I have a good "friend" who very much enjoys playing the relationship role, and may be all that I need right now. It's just not what I had planned, so for me it feels like I'm waking up everyday and the time ends in a 3 or 4 . Just off.

Which brings me to that optimistic person's quote "I may not be where I want to be, but I'm right where I'm supposed to be" how do they know that? (see there I go with the questions again) I'm not sure if a crackhead is right where they are supposed to be in life, and I don't think the drug dealer is either. I believe that sometimes people "just are". I'm sure there are those that will say "maybe this transitional phase will make you appreciate the success that much more" heck I just thought of the sentence so I guess part of my brain is telling myself that. I still think I would have appreciated it the same if I had stuck to the timeline. Maybe my timeline was the problem all along. I set my own timeline, when it wasn't even my own life. (WOW... Coach Cheese and my BFF via email who has never met me Shellie would be proud of that line...) So all this time I guess is not being wasted, I guess I'm just realigning myself with the "real" timeline that was set. I've just decided this second (which I'm pretty sure I will have to remind myself from time to time) not to leave it up to me to know the next bullet point on the timeline, but to check with HIM first. The bullet point that I have next, could very well be next to last or non-existent on the "real" timeline.

We can set goals, and list things that we would like to accomplish, but if we do all of this blindly we will always be disappointed. I've been writing for almost 30 min now and I want to break habit and end with the time on an 8, so I'm done.